Does your grief feel heavier in the winter?

Now that the clocks have gone back and it's dark before five, most of us notice a bit of a dip in energy, but for someone who's grieving, the cold, wet and grey months of winter can make everything feel so much heavier.

If you've noticed your grief feeling a bit harder to carry lately, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you're certainly not the only one feeling this way. The long weekends and dark evenings can stretch out ahead of us, and the many dates coming up over the next few months, from birthdays and anniversaries to Christmas and New Year, can be so significant and leave us feeling incredibly lonely.

There are invites that we really want to say yes to, but can't quite face when the day comes around, and the guilt or sadness that can follow when we cancel. We can be in a room full of people and feel so incredibly alone or trying to pretend we are having a good time when all we are doing is looking at the clock, wondering when it’s ok to leave.

When the things that helped in the summer don't feel so appealing

Some days we just want to stay in our pj's and pull the duvet over our heads, and who could blame us?

The coping mechanisms we leaned into in the lighter months, like meeting up with friends in the evenings or getting out for walks in nature, just aren't so appealing when it's cold, dark and raining torrentially. So, it's no wonder that, without the summer warmth, grief can feel so dark and heavy again.

I think it’s important for you to know that you aren't alone in feeling like this. Grief is such a rollercoaster, and just because life is feeling heavier right now doesn't mean you're going backwards in your grief because grief is messy and some days are heavier than others, and that's ok. No two people grieve in the same way, so there's no right pace and no timeline you should be trying to keep up with.

Nurturing yourself through winter

Understanding how the seasons can affect us means we can nurture ourselves a little more at this time of year, rather than wondering what's wrong with us. On the days you feel like staying in bed, having something small to look forward to can give you a little more motivation.

It could be:

• booking in a coffee with a friend

• planning a day trip out somewhere you love

• making your evenings feel cosy rather than lonely, maybe lighting a scented candle and putting on a fun film and eating some treats

I can’t take your grief away, sadly, as much as I want to, but perhaps they can bring a little bit of light into your darker days.

When you need a little deeper support

If you feel you might need a little deeper support during the winter months, just reach out. Whether you need a therapeutic counselling space to process at your own pace, or you're ready for a more forward-focused grief coaching programme, we can talk about what that might look like for you.

I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed and unable to see a way through, and with the right support, things changed for me. I truly believe they can change for you, too, and I'd love to help you find the glimmers in your winter days again.