Learn how to support your grieving employees

If we think about grief in the workplace, then most of us immediately think about the grief that comes with a bereavement, but actually grief from loss is so much bigger and a whole lot more messier than this.

Your employees are grieving alongside a death, their divorces, baby loss, health diagnoses, pet loss, ageing parents, their kids leaving for uni, estrangement and all the types of shattered hopes and dreams of the future that come from so many losses we all go through.

Then there’s bereavement to consider, but not just the death of a close family member that the HR policy covers, but how about the ex-partner they still loved or the colleague they worked with who became a close friend or even the estranged parent that is no longer in their lives.

Sadly, their grief doesn’t fit into a neat little box with a bow on that follows a timeline; it doesn’t start on a Friday evening at 6pm and end on a Sunday night at 9pm ready for the Monday morning start of the working week. It comes in grief bursts throughout the day, and that can be during the 9am stand-up or at the lunchtime board meeting and everyone’s timeline is so very different. Grief can show up years later and we don’t then realise it’s grief that is affecting us or even how we’ve been triggered.    

We might think we are absolutely fine and that we are coping, doing exactly what we need to at work, getting that presentation designed and writing all those reports, but then a sight, or a sound, even a smell and we are in the toilet trying to rearrange our mask again and hoping that no one noticed it had slipped. Then we head straight back to our desks, answering emails, turning up for meetings, looking like we are coping, all whilst we sit in the pain of our grief.

Here's how you can support your grieving employees...

So firstly, you need to want to understand your people and then be as flexible as you can, because everyone navigates grief so very differently.

Could you give more than the tiny 3 days’ leave that is written in your policy and consider offering more flexible leave to suit the person and their very individual needs? Some may need more leave initially, but then some may wish to take that leave over the course of a year, as we are all different and need to be treated as such.

Perhaps you could offer flexible working? with slightly shorter days or more days at home as options, or maybe starting later in the day or finishing earlier if needed? But what is most important is that you ask your people what they need, please don’t just assume, just ask them what would help them at this time.

Check in with them as often as you can, and ask how they are coping and listen for the answer and be available for them.  Understand that grief affects every single part of us our bodies and our minds, whether it's our concentration, our memory, or decision-making, even our energy levels throughout the day. So, helping with small adjustments to our workload or to the deadlines we need to meet can really help us, and if you are not sure how to support someone, then please, ask them. In creating a culture of compassion and empathy for your people, you will notice a difference in your retention rate and engagement.

Maybe you could offer a grief support group to help your colleagues with their grief? A group can help your people by providing a safe, supportive and non-judgemental space to be able to talk about losses surrounded by a community that truly understands, helping reduce the isolation that often comes with grief. A group can give your employees psychoeducation and practical tools around navigating grief at work and helping with retention and employee well-being.

A grief group is just one idea to be able to support your employees when they need it.

Just reach out to me if you would like to talk about setting up a grief group in your workplace or how I might be able to offer support to those grieving or those managing your grieving employees.

Sadly, grief and loss are something that every single one of your employees will face at some point in their lives, so just be as flexible and supportive as you can and talk to them and truly support them; they will thank you for being a compassionate employer and reward you with their loyalty.